"To stroll through the streets of Chautauqua in summer is to fill one's nose with the charcoal of outdoor grills and one's ears with the chatter of countless private dinner parties. These gatherings appear as central to the experience of Chautauqua in summer as the official events of the Institute. They are also clearly essential, as the public dining options inside the gate are fit only for wailing and gnashing of teeth. Having previously sampled the variations on a theme of prison loaf on offer at the Athenium Hotel and finding them wanting, we opted instead for reservations at La Familia. Surely, we thought, it could hardly be worse than the Athenium? . . . Alas, it could, and alas, it was. The service was plodding, ramshackle, and the least of the restaurant's problems. The menu, despite several items featuring an odd sounding gorgonzola tomato sauce, was well balanced and provided no intimation of our future punishment. After the appetizer had been brought out, we inadvertently intimated to our server that we would need be done with our meal in slightly over an hour's time, so as not to be late to our concert. With this intelligence, our server snapped to attention, and gave us every assurance that the kitchen would put a rush on our order and that there was no cause for concern. In retrospect concern was in order, as we had opted for the pork and lamb chops, both ordered medium rare. To do so places a fair amount of trust in the kitchen, for while beef is a relatively forgiving protein, pork and lamb have a narrower range of acceptable done-ness. The lamb chops bared their fangs with more obvious menace. Beneath the thin layer of breading, the lamb, once cut into, revealed a deep purple interior that glistened in the evening sun like the knock-off amethyst of a cheap bracelet. It lay prostrate upon a bed of indifferent risotto as an offering pristine and virginal, utterly uncorrupted by any source of heat. The pork chop played a more subtle and menacing game of dissimulation. It was neatly seared on top, and gave just enough resistance to the knife upon slicing as to suggest it had been cooked through. The second bite, however, revealed a certain gelatinous squishiness in the center. A third bite was sufficient to drive home the point that a fourth bite was unwise. The lamb was denied its victim as it was untouched, the pork denied its as it was quickly if violently purged. Abandon hope all ye who enter."
